This song is part of the MOON story and the two main characters of this song (as seen from the PV) are the first two Shitos (disciples) to turn into vampires. Gackt first introduced us to the story of Darts through his silver accessories and then further elaborated on it when he started the MOON project in 2001. Darts posses special powers, but they do not live in harmony and the different clans are constantly at war with each other. The story of Todokanai Ai to Shitteita noni Osaekirezuni Aishitsuzuketa.. took place some time in the 15th century. One of the Darts clan created the Shitos to fight for them, but their experiment ended in failure as the Shitos were born without power. However, the hidden power of these Shitos eventually "awakened" and the Shitos became what we now call "vampires". (Please go to our MOON section for more information on the MOON project) This song speaks of the story of the first two Shitos' struggle to live with who/what they have turned to.

Though the song is closely related to the story of MOON, you do not need to have a thorough knowledge of MOON to enjoy this song; you can still listen to it for its beautiful music and touching lyrics. These lyrics are probably among the easiest of his lyrics to understand. They are straightforward, and the images he presents aren't very hard to picture. The title pretty much says it all. This song is of unrequited love, or at least it appears to be at first glance. Let's take a look at the lyrics!

Todokanai ai to shitteiru noni

(Though I know this love will never reach you(r heart))

osaekirezuni aishitsuzuketa

(I couldn't help but continue loving you)

mou ichido kono ude de dakishimetai

(I want to hold you in my arms one more time)

kimi wo zutto hanasanai kara

(I will never let you go)

amai yume no you na kimi to sugoshita hibi wo

(The days I spent with you were like a sweet dream)

ushinau koto nante nai to omotteita keredo...

(which I never thought I would lose)

"Kimi no hitomi ni utsutteiru no wa boku ja nai n da ne"

(But, I'm not the one you are looking at, am I?")

utsumuku kimi no nani mo ienakute

(Your eyes looking down, I couldn't say anything to you)

Todokanai ai to shitteiru noni

(Though I know this love will never reach you(r heart))

osaekirezuni aishitsuzuketa

(I couldn't help but continue loving you)

mou ichido kono ude de dakishimetai

(I want to hold you in my arms one more time)

kimi wo zutto hanasanai kara

(I will never let you go)

sukoshi terenagara yasashiku boku ni fureta

(Gently and shyly you touched me)

komorebi ni yureru kimi wa hitonatsu no kagerou

((Under) the sunlight shining through the leaves, (you are no more than) a summer's vision)

kimi ga nokoshita nukumori ga ima mo mune wo shimetsukeru

(Even now I can still feel your warmth in my heart)

mou modorenai to sou iikikasete...

((But) I tell myself that there is no going back)

Todokanai ai to shitteiru noni

(Though I know this love will never reach you(r heart))

osaekirezuni aishitsuzuketa

(I couldn't help but continue loving you)

mou ichido kono bashou de deaeru nara

(If we can meet each other here one more time)

nidoto kimi wo hanasanai kara

( I will never part with you again)

sono hohoemi wo kesshite wasurenai

(I will never forget that smile (of yours))

koe ga kareru made kimi no na wo sakebitsuzuketa

(I called your name over and over again until my voice gave out)

Todokanai ai to shitteiru noni

(Though I know this love will never reach you(r heart))

osaekirezuni aishitsuzuketa

(I couldn't help but continue loving you)

mou ichido kono ude de dakishimetai

(I want to hold you in my arms one more time)

kimi wo zutto hanasanai kara

(I will never let you go)

kimi wo zutto hanasanai kara

(I will never let you go)

Song and PV analysis

The song starts with the chorus.

(Though I know this love will never reach you(r heart))

(I couldn't help but continue loving you)

(I want to hold you in my arms one more time)

(I will never let you go)

Well, the general interpretation of it is that it is unrequited love, but I don't think that's the only possible conclusion. It could also refer to how his feelings can no longer reach the woman he loves. The key word here is "Todokanai", which is the negative form of the verb to reach, or to get through. It's not "Kataomoi", which will be the word for unrequited love in Japanese. Unrequited love means that the woman doesn't even love him from the start, but if interpreted as "a love which doesn't reach (or has stopped reaching) your heart", then I think the whole story changes. Of course, I'm not saying that to interpret it as unrequited love is wrong, I'm just saying that there are other possible ways of looking at it.

Another interesting point to note is that the title and the chorus are actually slightly different. In the title, it says "Todokanai Ai to Shitteita Noni..." but in the chorus it is actually "Todokanai Ai to Shitteiru noni..." The first one is in past tense and the second one is in present tense. I think it will make more sense if you think of it through the characters' point of view. First, for the title, he is telling us that everything is already over. It's all in the past now. Then he introduces their story and we are taken back to the same time period as when they were alive, and that's why we go back to using present tense. And when the song ends, when they die, we are pulled back from the story and it becomes past tense again (back to title). I'm sure others have different opinions about it, but that's the only one I can think of.

I like the way he arranged the verses as well. First he talks about the happy memories or the times they had together, and then the second verse is about painful things or separation. So it's always: chorus, happy, break-up/sad, chorus, happy, break-up/sad, chorus. That's the way the song goes. It's really like a story within a song.

(The days I spent with you were like a sweet dream)

(which I never thought I would lose)

("But, I'm not the one you are looking at, am I?")

(Your eyes looking down, I couldn't say anything to you)

The use of words like "amai yume" (sweet dreams) and "kagerou" indicates the fragility and the short amount of time they spent together. The PV is also very well-edited, especially the way it changes from the fighting scene to the flashback of the two main characters together in the castle fits perfectly with the line "The days I spent with you were like a sweet dream." Then the PV goes back to the fighting scene just as he starts the line "I didn't think I would ever lose it" which just emphasizes that those happy days were really over and they have gone their separate ways.

The image of the female character looking far away and thinking of something else even though she is together with him is very strong in this line, "Your eyes looking down, I couldn't say anything to you" It seems as if the woman is always distracted and though she is with him physically, her mind is always somewhere else. That is why I wouldn't say that the man is happy either because he is constantly reminded of the fact that he is the only one who is satisfied with the current situation; and the line, "I couldn't say anything to you," shows that. He knows there is a problem and he wants to broach the topic, but every time he looks at her sad face, he can't bring himself to do it and so he chooses to bear with it.

The line, "But, I'm not the one you are looking at, am I?" is also very important. There are two ways of looking at this line. First is interpreting it literally, which is him saying that she is thinking of somebody else. He is simply hinting that there is someone else involved. But, if you think of them as vampires, then it is also possible that the "I" here refers not to the person himself, but to his identity as well. He is both a man and a vampire at the same time. So perhaps what he is trying to say is that in her eyes, he is a vampire, and never a "man".

We enter the chorus again and move into the second verse of the song.

(Gently and shyly you touched me)

((Under) the sunlight shining through the leaves, (you are no more than) a summer's vision)

(Even now I can still feel your warmth in my heart)

((But) I tell myself that there is no going back)

This song manages to capture the man's emotions very well, especially through lines like, "Even now I can still feel your warmth in my heart, but I tell myself that there is no going back," which shows his strong determination. It shows the man being torn by his love and for what he knows he must do. He doesn't want to hurt and kill the woman he loves, but he knows that it is the only way to save her. Before this line, the song is mainly singing of their past and lost love, but for the first time, it shows his decision to put an end to everything and that's when we reach the climax of the story.

I made a discovery while I was translating this verse. I'm amazed that I have never noticed this before, because it's so glaringly obvious. It's the line, "(Under) the sunlight shining through the leaves, (you are no more than) a summer's vision," and I'd like to point everyone to the word "sunlight". Vampires and sunlight don't go together, so it is interesting that Gackt would use this phrase to express himself or the character's emotions. To be honest though, I'm not quite sure exactly what this sentence means. Literally it would go something like this, "Wavering in the sunlight through the leaves, you are a summer's haze." The meaning of yureru is to shake or sway. I have this image of her dancing under the sunlight but that's probably just me. Instead of an actual movement (like dancing or swaying for example), it's also possible that Gackt is trying to convey the image of a "vision", which is hazy, vague and unclear, through the word yureru.

There are two possible interpretations that I could think of. One is that the man in the song sees the woman standing under the sunlight but then realizes that she is no more than a vision. The second is that Gackt was trying to show the ephemerality of their time together by using the phrase "hitonatsu no kagerou". So in fact, the woman really did exist and she was standing (or dancing/swaying) under the trees at some point. They spent a short period of time together and then she was gone like the summer haze.

This time we see blood and death in the PV. The scene shows utter desolution and it gives the viewers a good idea of the horror that took place there. I love how the PV doesn't go immediately into the violence, but only hints at what happened in the castle and the changes that the woman went through, which will be revealed in the next verse.

In the PV, we only see the woman's death, not the cause. The way I see it, it wasn't "death" but "awakening" that the woman went through. After her vampire powers awakened, she turned on him and annihilated his entire clan (or family). I think the skeletons which appeared in the PV were the ones who "woke her up" and perhaps they were able to control her mind. From the expression on the man's face, it seems as if he was shocked to see her get up and turn into a vampire. One thing that I've always wondered about is why she did not kill him at that time. It was revealed to us on the last scene that the man is also a vampire, when he bursts into flames together with the woman after he plunges a sword into his own chest. So could it be that the reason she didn't kill him was because he was stronger, especially since she just woke up and would have been rather weak? Or did she actually attack him but he survived somehow?

I am pretty sure that the two of them are different kinds of vampires. Perhaps even though the Shitos are all created for the same purpose, which is to destroy and fight others, each of them possess different abilities and strengths. The man doesn't change form like the woman does for one, and he seems to be able to stand the sunlight better than the woman. The way I see it, when the woman "awakened", her powers as a vampire grew stronger (which is why she could beat the guy easily) but at the same time, it also weakened her resistance towards the sun. So the "awakening" not only intensifies one's strength, but also the person's weakness.

For the third chorus, I translated the last line as "I will never part with you again," but the original Japanese version uses the same verb as the previous chorus and the ones after. The reason why I translated it differently is because I wanted to highlight the difference in the emotions of the male character. I feel like this chorus shows his resolution very strongly and it places a heavy emphasis on his promise of never again parting with the woman he loves.

The next scene in the PV during the third chorus is one of my favourites, especially when he sings the line, "If we can meet each other here one more time, I will never part with you again" As the song enters the third chorus, we see the camera zooming in on the woman's back in the PV. To me, it signifies her turning back against everything that she once had and I thought it was very significant that the PV shows her walking out just as he was singing "If we can meet each other here one more time." It's as if the man still hopes that things will return to the way it used to be and the woman is saying that it's not possible. Very subtle, yet effective.

(I will never forget that smile (of yours))

(I called your name over and over again until my voice gave out)

This part just gives me the chills every time I hear it. As I mentioned before, the man in the song is now determined to end everything and this line manages to capture his feelings beautifully. Though he has decided to kill her and end their lives, he has not given up on their love. He has not given up trying to reach her heart again and I find that very touching. At the same time though, the line shows how much things have changed. The woman can no longer hear his voice anymore even though he has not stopped calling out to her.

I find it very meaningful as well that they DID meet again at the same place (near the castle), as the man had hoped to, during their final battle in the PV. In the end, he did manage to do what he promised to do, which is to never part with her again. The PV ends with the image of their hands clasped together, exactly like the way they used to in the castle before everything changed. It was also very creative the way Gackt chose to start the PV with "the end". It's definitely an effective way to grab our attention.

Conclusion

Their story is a very sad one not just because they couldn't be together, but also because they actually managed to spend time together before being separated. So they experienced happiness before it was taken away from them. It's like getting something you dearly wished for, that you loved so very much and then losing it. I think knowing that you can never have it again because you weren't even meant to have it from the start makes it even worse. Yet even so, we get the feeling that they would still have chosen the same path if they had a chance to do it all over again. That is how great their love is for each other. All I can say is he really chose a great title. Says it all, really.

I think Gackt's role in this PV is a mystery. ^^;; The PV basically goes back and forth from single shots of him singing to the story of the two characters. It seems to me like he is the narrator of the story. It's also possible that Gackt is playing some sort of role in the story (perhaps their descendant or someone related to them) and he is re-playing in his mind the story of these two characters. If you notice, he almost always appears at the same place as the two main characters, watching over them.

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